There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
