I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
