physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
