I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
