If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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