Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this beer tastes like vomit already
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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