your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
