so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
