I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
