You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
