dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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