Absence makes the cock grow harder.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
