you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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