you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
