actually, I'm a sock model
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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