Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
