does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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