I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
