my phone needs a breathalizer
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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