Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
