First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
