he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
