We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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