If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
