I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
