I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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