i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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