You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
