Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
