You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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