its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
