i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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