I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
