I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
