Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So many bounce houses so little time
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
