She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
