Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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