I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
