Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
