i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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