i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did I show you my penis last night?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
