i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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