I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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