his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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