I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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