My room smells like vodka and shame
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
