i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
