i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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