i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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