im six kinds of drunk right now
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
