I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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