There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
