I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
