I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you win again, gameday.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
