I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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