As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it glows. i had to have it.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
