like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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