Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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