The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
