Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
