I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
