paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
