Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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