sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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