I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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