I cockslap morals
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
