I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
