I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she told me i tasted like america
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
