Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
