yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
